by Kate Tolson
Table of Contents
All of whom, despite various advantages and all of the outward appearances and trappings of success and confidence, still feel stuck in an area of their life where they are carrying an underlying sense of fear and anxiety.
These women often confide in me that they don’t know what the cause is, but when we begin to talk, what emerges are the glimpses of deep-seated concerns of perhaps losing everything they’ve worked so hard for at any moment. It’s an irrational but legitimate feeling that the good things in their life are hanging by a thread, and that the life, work or health they want or have is not secure, available or deserved.
I see the familiar unconscious patterns and very real fears running in the background – a fear that something could come along and disrupt their carefully crafted lives.
In my practice, I work with women all across the world, from many different backgrounds and living in various cultural norms.
This unconsciously sabotages or constricts behaviour to keep the women in what is already known, and therefore to the more primitive self, known to be safer.
These women, despite professional accomplishments, still harbour insecurities held in place by their younger mind – just out of their conscious awareness – and they are almost waiting to be ‘found out.’ These women strive to believe in their abilities and all of the positive opportunities and messages of empowerment in the modern world, yet just under the surface, they can’t shake the feeling that this world remains an un-winnable battleground for women.
These women are all of us.
The War Within
What’s more, this can become an all-out war between the conscious, rational-mind and the unconscious, fear-mind within. It’s a disheartening truth that many of us women subconsciously feel that success in one area of your life comes with a trade-off, a sacrifice that women must make that men seemingly do not.
A storied pattern reflected back to us in much of the media of our time: we have to be this, and not that, some of this, not too much of that, or there are consequences. To gain, we must lose.
So subconsciously, women grapple with this internal conflict, desiring and striving for excellence in life while subconsciously battling societal expectations of doing it all right – all whilst being humble at the same time.
These challenges are only perpetuated because they are deeply-rooted not only in our individual unconscious mind, but also in the collective unconscious, which is a state of mind that holds the collective past and reflects the reality that women have navigated for centuries. All of us from childhood have absorbed messages from various sources through our upbringing, the media, in the classroom, and via societal norms that have all shaped our beliefs and perceptions of ourselves as well as our place in the world around us. And it’s all encoded in the ‘internal computer program’ of the deep mind, ultimately overriding anything we have chosen to bring into our lives in adulthood if it feels unfamiliar or threatening to anything already there. These unconscious beliefs run the show, causing us to self-regulate and self-sabotage. We are not fully aware of what we each do or don’t do to maintain this status quo, we only see the results of it.
So, how can we address these unconscious beliefs and behaviours within us?
Primarily we can do this by understanding them. In the simplest terms, our unconscious self prioritises our access to – and protection of – our basic resources for ourselves and our off-spring. It seeks to protect the basic health of the body; it is driven to keep us alive, fed and sheltered. The unconscious mind runs our nervous system in regulating our bodily processes (hormonal and chemical responses) as well as our daily basic habits (eating, sleeping, movement).
Our subconscious self – whilst connected to the unconscious – is a whole different layer of being. It is driven to keep us connected to others and prioritises our sense of personal power and status within the communal environment.
It seeks to guard and secure our physical protection from risk (through protection by the tribe) and our priority of access to available resources (provision by the tribe). It therefore is preoccupied with status and our place in hierarchy.
Our subconscious-self manages the intricacies of interpersonal-dynamics and our behaviour around others – from our subconscious body language, facial expressions and use of language that is automatic and unthinking, to the looping thoughts and patterns of thinking that keep us behaving and identifying within the ‘safe’ parameters of our cultural paradigm and societal hierarchy, the environment that has been most familiar to us since birth. This deep need shapes the vast majority of our interactions in life because it is how we have learned to stay protected and connected within the human tribal consciousness for millennia.
Did You Know?
The rational self is probably the mind state we modern beings identify with the most, it’s the choices we make, the decisions we take, the way we strategise and learn to explore new experiences.
The rational self is probably the mind state we modern beings identify with the most, it’s the choices we make, the decisions we take, the way we strategise and learn to explore new experiences. But as much as we identify as rational beings, this part of us only accounts for a small fraction of our mind space, somatic expression and brain activity. It isn’t us, just a small part of us.
The Watcher
However, there’s another self that you may have engaged with in meditative practices, the ‘watcher,’ which observes the whole mind with equanimity on all levels. This part knows when something within us has run its course and needs to transform, release, heal, grow, restore, evolve.
This is the part we engage with and empower within transformational hypnotherapy, this is the part of you which knows exactly what the cause, the reason and the reality is for any given experience we find ourselves in. It also knows when the conditions are right for a change to take place. It’s the evolutionary self.
Navigating the Way
Over the past decade, I’ve dedicated my life and work to understanding the complexities of the unconscious mind and these fascinating levels of consciousness within us. Through my work and my therapy practice, as well as my own personal journey, I’ve come to understand that our problems in life are never isolated incidents.
That they are in fact, intricately connected to our past, present and future, individually and collectively, and all operate within a framework of the perception of our environment at any given time.
My understanding now goes far beyond the traditional binary understanding of a conscious self and a non-conscious self. Because the reality is far more multilayered within each of us.
Back to the question; how can we address these unconscious beliefs and behaviours within us?
What We Can Do: Healing Modalities
Hypnosis still remains one of the most powerful mediums to explore this realm within us, as it facilitates the exploration of the multiple layers of mind and self. Modern transformational hypnotherapy utilises therapeutic tools within the hypnotic state to reveal to us the parts within which are just trying to protect us in a way which made sense for our ancestors or for our younger selves, but which isn’t fit for purpose anymore in our maturing lives and in this rapidly evolving paradigm in which we all live.
In my online practice I use methods like Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT), somatic exploration, guided hypnotic unconscious work, and subconscious educational coaching to empower individuals to understand and recognise some of these protective patterns that manifest in different guises in different circumstances.
This journey of self-discovery into our unconscious selves is personally revealing and yet also gives us collective understanding that provides true empowerment, that requires each of us to be courageous, vulnerable, and willing to confront our own inner journey in the context of these modern, rapidly evolving times. We can embrace the fresh perspective of our maturity, our innate wisdom, and the integrative understanding of our now-grown selves today. Embracing this holistic approach, women can truly unlock their individual potential and compassionately rewrite the whole narrative of their life.
I am Kate Tolson, and I am a subconscious expert and a transformational hypnotherapist. I am passionate about helping women to evolve your perspective and restore your power to affect growth and change in your corner of the world.
About Kate
Kate Tolson is a subconscious expert and transformational hypnotherapist dedicated to empowering women to unlock their potential and navigate life’s challenges. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in RTT hypnotherapy, somatic exploration, and subconscious coaching to help women evolve their perspectives and restore their power. Kate’s holistic approach enables women to rewrite their life narratives, embracing their innate wisdom and strength.
