by Pika Dubey
There was a time before I started my psychology journey when I allowed the perceptions of those around me to dictate my thoughts.
Having spent years training as a counselling psychologist, I’ve acquired a wealth of knowledge that I believe can greatly benefit others in navigating life more effectively. My journey has been a transformation from being heavily influenced by the opinions and expectations of others to cultivating my voice and a strong sense of self.
In doing so, I lost sight of my own thoughts and beliefs, sacrificing my authenticity in pursuit of external validation just to feel approved.
Through years of introspection and self-reflection, I’ve come to appreciate my unique strengths, wholeheartedly accepting them as intrinsic to who I am. Along this journey, I’ve learned a profound truth: that we need not conform to others’ perceptions of life. Each individual’s perspective is valid and worthy, rooted in their own experiences and beliefs. It’s a realization that has liberated me from the confines of societal expectations, allowing me to honour my truth while respecting the diversity of thought that exists around us. Each unique, each valid.
A message I’d like to convey to our daughters and young women is the importance of being able to express your feelings and set boundaries, even when it feels uncomfortable.
We are taught to be polite, and accommodating, and to avoid causing discomfort or conflict – even if it comes at the expense of our own well-being.
In our society, there is often an unspoken expectation for girls and women to prioritize the comfort and happiness of others above their own. We are taught to be polite, and accommodating, and to avoid causing discomfort or conflict – even if it comes at the expense of our own well-being. However, I want you to know that your feelings matter, and it is crucial to honour them, even if it means speaking up when it feels difficult. Learn to say no when Uncomfortable.
If something doesn’t feel right, if a situation makes you uncomfortable or if someone crosses your boundaries, it’s okay to speak up. Your feelings are valid, and you have every right to assert them.
Looking back, I wish I had understood the profound importance of honouring myself before anyone else and embracing self-love as the greatest form of love. It’s a lesson that took me time to learn, but one that has fundamentally transformed how I navigate and approach life.
Before, I often found myself prioritizing the needs and desires of others above my own, believing that self-sacrifice was noble and necessary for acceptance. I’ve come to realise that true love – both for oneself and for others – begins with a deep and unwavering respect for one’s own worth and well-being.
In my journey of an evolving relationship with my body over time, there has been a profound shift from a pursuit of perfection to a newfound sense of peace and acceptance. Like many, I once harboured the desire to attain an idealized image of physical perfection, striving to conform to societal standards and expectations. The pursuit of flawlessness consumed my thoughts, dictating my actions and influencing my self-worth.
Over time, I began to embrace a more compassionate and holistic approach to my relationship with my body. Instead of fixating on external appearances, I shifted my focus inward, cultivating a deeper understanding and appreciation for my body’s inherent wisdom and resilience. I learned to listen to its signals, honour its needs, and treat it with kindness and respect.
Today, my relationship with my body is characterized by love, gratitude, and acceptance.
In essence, what I wish I knew earlier is that self-love is not selfish.
Aging and longevity are often perceived through a narrow lens, confined by societal expectations and stereotypes. However, I’ve learnt that age is merely a number, a label that fails to capture the breadth of human potential and the richness of life’s experiences.
What I’ve learned is that the key to embracing aging and longevity lies in rejecting the notion of being confined by societal norms or expectations. Instead, it’s about listening to our hearts and following the call even if it means graduating at the age of 50 or learning a new skill set at 60. It’s never too late to write your story differently if you are ready.
After all, the true measure of your life and your happiness is not what others think of it but what you think happiness is for you!
About Pika
Pika Dubey, a dedicated and compassionate Counselling psychologist who understands that seeking therapy requires courage and vulnerability. With a strong focus on creating a safe, supportive, empathetic, and non -judgmental environment, she is committed to helping individuals on their journey towards healing and self-awareness.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/pika-dubey-b65327224
